A thought I had as I fell asleep last night:
Parents close their hearts off to their children in a moment, after a series of moments, and I wonder if they realize that their kids know.
Parents will continue to engage in endless conversations about messy bedrooms, missing assignments, attitude, tone, college, haircuts, curfews, and just all the dos and don'ts they can muster.
Yes- that is a lot of what parenting IS. Of course. I have enough kids to make a basketball team and stock a small bench too.
I get it, BUT.......
without really seeing (admitting?) that you decided out of frustration, resentment, fear, pain, hurt, anger and/or something you don't even have a word for yet
that you are DONE with trying to connect, listen, understand, and relate to your kid
you will be on a painful and damaging crash course in the perils of power struggles and the darkness of cold war all the way until the day they are gone.
I work with parents who have been abused by their kids physically, verbally, emotionally, mentally. I work with parents whose kids have developed into manipulation machines who have all of the real power in the home.
The parents acquiesce over and over out of guilt and shame for creating the environment and enabling the very behavior that they are imprisoned by.
I am here for that. I have seen a lot and nothing fazes me. I can be there for you as you start to untangle the mess. I can walk you through the whole thing.
It only takes one committed person in the family to start.
I got it from there.
I cannot express strongly enough how much you will wish you had opened up your heart again and tried for a new start.
Avoidance does not create miracles.
You're not a bad parent.
You're not a failure.
Love,
V