This cycle is breakable!
Helping is not that helpful when it results in enfeebled young people.
I know how to break this cycle. I can give you courage to make the changes that result in kids and young adults who are:
strong (have a positive sense of self)
resilient (can get back up when an idea flops)
vulnerable (can ask for and accept help)
self-sufficient (doesn't manipulate to get needs met by others)
independent (can function in this world and make their own way)
healthy (can feel the highs and lows of life and keep moving foward).